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Dating in general isn’t hard, but it takes work, energy, time that could be used doing hundreds of other things, like learning how to weave or baking all the bread you eat yourself, or creating a rooftop garden out of two sad planters and a handful of seeds.
The way we choose to spend our time is our choice alone, not something to be judged, and not something that we should feel ashamed of. As a person who willfully chooses to spend many nights trawling beauty blogs on the internet and conducting deep, vast research on the best pink lipstick for my exact skin tone and coloring, I know that the way I spend my time could be spent better, but I know that the choice to spend time on really anything is mine alone.
Here is a confession — though I write a dating column, and have for quite some time, I’m not currently dating anyone right now.
The last relationship I was in was about two years ago, and in the time between then and now, there have been plenty of dates, but nothing has stuck.
The work that is required to achieve both these goals isn’t necessarily taxing, or trying, but it is work.
Dating, while for a different goal, takes the same kind of energy.
Being a writer comes with a lot of the same stresses that actively, wholeheartedly dating does.
There’s rejection, constant self-doubt, and an occasional churning doom in the pit of your stomach, a voice that whispers, “Maybe, just give this up and resign yourself to doing something else.” First dates are like job interviews.
That’s why I’m perfectly comfortable coming out and saying it — right now, I’m choosing to focus on my career instead of finding a partner.
Honestly, to lots of people, this sounds like an excuse.
I truly believe that there is somebody out there for everybody, as silly and as fairytale delusional as that may sound.